In the lucky Year of the Dragon, I am officially a mother of two–under two–as of this July. Planned? Guilty. Crazy? Probably. I’d like to just give a quick PSA to those who have only one child with a desire for more children. When you hear from a parent of at least two children that going from one child to two children is HARD, believe them. Good Lord Above, we just trying to survive out here. But also, it’s amazing, so don’t be deterred!
The first time you become a parent you have no idea what you are doing. It doesn’t matter how much experience you have caring for a younger sibling, or as a nanny or teacher to younger children. It doesn’t matter how many What to Expect books you read or parenting advice you absorb. Until you have your own child and you’re home (with hopefully some help) responsible for doing all the things to keep said child alive and thriving, you’re going to struggle out of the gate. Some things will go right initially, but many things will go wrong. And that’s life as a parent in general. You learn to go with the flow pretty quickly and accept that the unexpected should be expected. Again, we all just trying to survive out here.
When we welcomed Sofia home, it probably took us 4-6 weeks to feel like we “had the hang of things.” And by that I mean we knew what her different cries meant and we were starting to learn her personality. Obviously, we were obsessed with her and enjoyed starring at her for hours on end. Ahhh, those were the days. As a 15-month-old today, Sofia is sweet, independent and WILD. Life with her is full of adventure, laughs and amazement. She’s exactly the daughter I always dreamed of.
Like many of us parents to one, at some point along the way in raising your first little angel, you experience “baby fever” again and want to do the newborn thing all over. Some are ready for #2 sooner than later, and whether things go as you’ve planned regarding when you’re announcing #2 is on the way, you have to face the reality that you are doing the newborn thing all over again. Like, remember no sleep, copious amounts of laundry, cluster feeding? Welcome back.
While we had heard from the parents of at least two concerning their warning about how hard juggling two is, we heeded their warning by getting pregnant six months after Sofia’s arrival. Our logic once we realized we would have two under two? We aren’t getting any younger and we have the energy and (unexpired) baby supplies on hand to tackle 3-4 years of inevitable chaos. LET’S DO THIS, we chanted.
The second time you welcome a child home, and subsequent ones thereafter (if applicable), while you may “know what you’re doing” from a basic Taking Cara Babies sense, the hardest part becomes actually juggling two children and keeping them alive and thriving. And depending on how far apart your children are in age hinges on how challenging your day-to-day is going to be, and maybe even your years ahead.
Like I said, we opted for chaos in the form of two under two, but we are embracing it. Our saving grace right now is that Sofia lovesssss her brother, Luca, like doesn’t want to leave him alone, provides him with everything he needs (binky, burp cloth, blanket, etc.) and doesn’t (her food, toys, etc.), wants to kiss him and put her head on his (aka put her entire body weight on him…) and generally be in his presence. She understood–quicker than expected–that Luca took priority over her in moments when he was/is hungry or upset. As such, she’s “fallen in line,” and I attribute that training to her time at daycare every day (shoutout to KD’s Care in Cincinnati!) and interacting with babies close to Luca’s age.
By the time we found out we were expecting again, Sofia was six months old, so we really didn’t have a solid routine formed with her. We sort of had a routine recently, but that was derailed with Luca’s arrival. After school, Sofie has serious FOMO with regards to anything Luca and tries to stay up as late as her little body will allow to get in extra snuggles from all of us. She also has taken her big sister role VERY seriously and insists on making sure he is well taken care of. We are lucky she loves him so much.
Since I got pregnant so quickly after Sofia’s birth, I was only barely back to my “old self” before pregnancy body and brain took over again. I had been back to work for about three months after maternity leave and was getting used to the new work life-family life balance. Because we planned for our kids to be close in age (and it worked out as planned), I decided not to re-up my gym membership until after #2 arrived. I thought, “Why start to get my body back in shape when a second pregnancy was going to cancel out all that effort?” Plus, I figured picking up a continuously heavier baby during that period would suffice for working out. My wallet was particularly happy with this decision.
I was lucky that both of my pregnancies were pretty easy. Other than bad carpal tunnel in the last couple months with Sofia and insomnia with Luca, I made it through just fine. Since Luca’s arrival, breastfeeding has allowed most of the “baby weight” to vanish, leaving me with little to attend to once I’m back to my regularly scheduled [workout] programming. Still trying to figure out what and when that’s going to look like…
Now that I’m living the life as a mother of two, I can confirm that it’s HARD. Physically and mentally. It goes without saying that you have twice as much human to care for and they want and need different things at different times, or at the same time most likely. All the while you’re trying to maintain a semblance of sanity and keep the romance alive in your relationship that is most certainly back-burnered in place of parenthood. It is so true how you have to make yourself and your partner a priority throughout the time you are raising your children or you might lose both in the process. Schedule a spa day and plan that weekend getaway with your better half!
Simran and I only wanted two children, and to have one girl and one boy is amazing. We both wanted to have our own mini me/twin and I can confirm that Sofia is me and (so-far) Luca is Simran. We couldn’t feel more complete. But also, let’s be honest, I manifested this 😉
As I have been reflecting on what’s next for me and us as a family, I feel like this is a new beginning. Now that I’m done being pregnant (yay!) and working on evolving into the healthiest and strongest version of myself that I desire, I feel so energized to step into my next level self and create the life I’ve always dreamed of. I have sacrificed a lot in the last few years–physically, mentally, career-wise, all the things–and I’m ready to focus on me and what I want my and our family’s future to look like. Needless-to-say, there is going to be a lot of manifesting happening! To start, I’m going to create a new vision board to reflect my new desires.
So, for all the parents out there struggling with the one to two transition, I feel you. It’s hard, and we have to support each other. If you’re around a family member, friend or colleague and they are struggling to handle two at once, offer to take at least one off their hands even for a few minutes so maybe they can have a moment of less crazy or (God forbid) eat their meal while it’s hot. It’s the little things in life that go a long way.
For those trying for #2, I am sending good vibes into the Universe! If it’s meant to be, it will be, and you will be given exactly what you are meant to handle.
Now, off you go. Embrace whatever chaos you choose!
Also, shoutout to Agnes Kindberg for perfectly capturing our little family during our newborn shoot at our home 🙂 If you’re in want of an amazing photographer that does this type of work, you NEED to contact Agnes Kindberg Photography!
